One of those days...

I have to be honest..I just haven't felt like writing much. Besides our ever busy lives, I find it hard to sit down and just type. Today, however, is a day that I need to. I am having one of those days. A day where you need to clean-but of course don't want to (thought I've got half the house done!), a day where I should go outside-but I want to stay n and just sit, a day where I need to make phone calls-but don't feel like talking much, a day where nothing sounds good to eat, and a day where no doctor office will call back with any results!
I don't want this to be a bad day, and I honestly don't feel it is a bad one. More like a blah one. I know these days are normal, but it is hard feeling like this especially when it is so beautiful outside. I think a trip to the park is definetly necessary. I am having a hard week really...and by week I mean the last 5-6 days. Shaun and I had to see another doctor for some check-ups and it just seems like my molar pregnancy and chemo treatments continue to follow me. I know what you're thinking-duh things follow you. But I really felt like we were quite a bit past that time period. However, it is still affecting my health. The dr said I am immuno-compromised. That is a fancy word to say my body isn't itself--STILL! It is just so difficult to not feel like I have my body back.
To make matters more difficult, I am 6 days late. I have taken pregnancy tests but they say negative. My most recent one was Sunday night-negative. I know God is in control-I really do-but it doesnt make this time any easier. It is a difficult battle. I am forever grateful Jarrett-he is so amazing and means more to me than mere words could describe. And I do not at all think he is not enough. I just want another child. For most women, being 6 days late is exciting. For me, it doesn't mean a lot. My body isn't itself-therefore no one can tell me what is going on. To make matters worse, I can't get a call back from the dr's office to find out anything. They didnt run a pregnancy test, but I would certainly like to clue them into the so-many days late thing.
I am so blessed in my life. I am sure of this..every bit of my family is amazing. I love Shaun's job. I love all my friends, my town, and mostly my Savior. But today honestly, I just hurt. I hurt that I don't have a normal body, that I want a baby so bad and everyone around me is pregnant. I in no way want to take that from them. I am so thrilled for everyone of them. But I want it too! I even talked to a woman the other day who isnt sure that she may be pregnant again..and she just had her 2nd baby who is only 4 months old! We have been trying for 2 years. If anyone should read this, which I am not sure of, I ask for your prayers. For both me and Shaun-it is a hard time. Some days are great, others not so much. I want to say I am sorry for the long blog but it really helped me. Thank you my sweet sweet Jesus-for loving me and blessing me the ways you have through my husband and son and many more blessings to count. But also thank You for the hard times. They cause me to lean harder on You-fill my home with Your presence-I cherish and love You...

How great life is!

I am so grateful for all the Lord has given me. That may not sound like much but really in truly it is! For me to say that is sadly and actually quite a shocker. I am very much a woman who deals with discontenment. I can easily find myself wanting what others have, comparing myself to other moms, other Christians, wishing I could do more, have more,be more..you get the idea.

Through this last weekend, I really felt like the Lord just poured Himself on me. Now, I am not talking about this huge anointing that shines upon me to all who see;) Nor am I talking about a spiritual high for lack of better words. I just find myself resting in His peace and His presence. Every morning I wake up to read the daily devotional in a book titled, "Jesus Calling." This book has literally opened my eyes so much. It was written by a missionary who decided after journaling her daily struggles and prayers to write a devotional but as though Jesus Himself is writing them. So in essence, it is all from His perspective and love. It may sound so simply to others, but Shaun and I look forward each morning to reading it. Even Jarrett knows what book I read every morning if you ask Him to grab it..what a joy!

I also like to start every morning with prayer and worship through the joy of itunes. It is hard to explain, but I always had in my mind that it took a huge life changing experience or moment to get my faith revved up (for lack of better words) again. Not that I have a revved up faith, but I have learned that by seeking Him daily in every little thing I encounter and talking to Him throughout my day, I feel myself being drawn closer and closer to the Lord.

I love You Jesus with all that I am. Thank you for being my Savior, Comforter, Healer, Friend, Redeemer, and Companion. I have needed You through all these hard times, and it is because of You that I did make it through. I know times will get tough and trying, but I have seen and believe NOTHING is too big for You. Thank you for my joy, the cleansing of depression, the clean slate of my life, and the blessings given to me that I so do not deserve. I praise You for the Father you are, and I lay my life to You. Do as You will in anything. Again thank You.

Some may say..umm..get off track there? No, I just needed to give credit where it is most certainly due. I encourage anyone reading: find Him in the little things. Be pleased and grateful with all that you have. He gives and takes away as He chooses. This day and every day following I will seek to be content. But not with what I have instead with Whom I serve.

Well thanks to my computer/technology savvy husband, we now have a blog spot! I am so excited:) I am not as good with the words as Shaun is, but I will attempt to say what I mean to on here.

I just got back from a ministers' wives retreat. I had an absolute blast! I went with my friend Patience from Pecos, which is about 30 minutes or so from us. We had such a great trip together. She is truly a blessing from God. She is so much fun to be with, but we also understand each other in a way most don't since we are both ministers' wives-youth ones at that. And it just got even better once we got there. Then I was surrounded by so many women in the same boat of life as me. Where ministry is a blessing and even sometimes a burden. We love our congregation yet struggle to always be nice after things we are told to do or better yet to tell our husbands to do. That always makes me laugh:)

Anyways, I spent the weekend getting fed spiritually and certainly physically hehe. We had conferences, fantastic speaker and worship leader and a wonderful spa day. I left having made new friends and seeing old ones. It was truly a blessing. Enjoy the pics and I love you all!